You are not alone. It's normal to be sad/weak/disappointed from time to time. It's only human. Especially when close friends or family let you down.

You are not alone. Be strong and follow your heart. Don't do anything to please other people, if you don't feel it is the right thing to do.

xoxo

I completely understand.
Completing a degree is terrifying but it's important to remember that it doesn't determine the rest of your life. You are very lucky to have invested yourself so much in your youtube/blog and this already provides you with countless other opportunities. I think you're a very strong person and you need to hold your head high and follow what YOUR heart tells you. Nothing is worse than finding yourself stuck in a situation that wasn't your choice and feeling like you need to live up to others' expectations. Do what makes you happy, and if your family/friends truly love you, this won't change your relationship with them whatsoever. At the end of the day, you're young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Think of all the years that represents! You're only beginning to discover yourself now. Good luck and please don't despair. It's the worst feeling. Ignore the pressure and take your time, but remember that no career decision is permanent.

Your not alone definetly, I similarly am doing a degree although academic and well respectable at a great university, I know deep down that this is not what I am meant to be doing, this is not what my purpose is. When your younger, you succumb to peoples expectations and actually feed off from that,your driven by competition, wanting to be the best and fear of failing.

However we forget to be driven by passion and that catches up with us, and eventually you seem to find it hard to be motivated and the only reason I know i keep working hard is because since I started I might as well finish and failing is never an option.

I still have no idea what I am meant to do and I promise myself to take time out and find out....

The most happiest people and most successful people do what they love...

I actually look up to what you have achieved and the grace you do it with.

xxxxx

You're not! I'm about 3 weeks away from being finished with my degree and I have no idea if this is what I want to do. There's a lot of pressure to go on to an (expensive) masters programme, and to go into an academic career. I've never taken a gap year, I've been working the whole time I'm in college, and as a result feel like maybe I've never taken a moment to think about what I want to do.
I think the anxiety and pressure get to most of us. I hope you feel better soon - please don't be afraid to seek help when you need to!
S xx

Of course you are not alone. Some times we all feel frustrated or unhappy with the things we do.
When you finish your degree you can decide what to do, you are young enough to experiment and try different things. What you need right now is to focus on finish your degree, and after that try the things you feel like experimenting. Don't give up and fight to be what you really want to be. The people you are trying to satisfy will be happy if you are happy in what you do, because they only want to give you the best so you can live happily. You are very talented and i'm sure you will succeed in everything you'll try, and if not, at least you'd tried and learned.

You're definitely not alone in this. It's so ironic that I would read your story first this morning because I am going through something similar myself. Continue to pray through this, I can't promise it will be easy, but you will get through this. You were called to do something great, probably more than what you can imagine. It's so clear to me and the rest of your many readers worldwide. You're human and it's totally normal for you (and me) to have these moments. In the end, it will be ok. Life is too short to suck, so you should definitely do what you love.

I totally get what you're saying. I'm an architect and I too feel like this sometimes especially when it gets really stressful. However, you just have to trust that nothing in life happens by mistake. God has a purpose for each and everyone of us so all we have to do is enjoy the gift which is the lives we've been given and let him take care of all the rest. You'll be surprised how much people understand that every soldier needs to lay down their amo and be human every once in a while...

Oh shirley :( I think you should do what you want to do. You need to put yourself first my love. If you feel this isn't what you want to do then I think you should take action now. I would hate to see you unhappy for life doing something you're not passionate about. I kind of went through the same thing. I recently decided that a-levels weren't for me and quit. Not because I'm not intelligent but it just wasn't what I wanted. I'm hoping to start media in college and do my best and I know i will because I'm passionate about it. At the end of the day your feelings matter most. So do whatever it is you've been longing to do. You have my support and most importantly God's as well.

My love to you..
Shannelle
<3

Nothing like a little quarter-life crisis, aye?

Shirley, Sorry you're feeling this way and I assure you, you're not alone. There are those that have gone through this and those that are going through this jsut as you are right now. In times like these take time for yourself to be by yourself and in your own thoughts. Figure out exactly what it is you're being called to do and GO DO IT!

You WILL regret it later if you continue to do what is EXPECTED of you and doing things to please other people. The only ones you should look to please at this time are God and yourself. Right now, in your early 20s is the best time to take and figure out exactly what it is you want to do with your life.

Don't get stuck doing something you won't be happy with years down the line. When you follow your heart, believe me, the people around you feel more proud than disappointed when you follow a path where you are enriched and fulfilled.

Whatever it is you're dreaming of, you can do it!

Pray on it, plan it, cast your cares and your worries on God, He will open those doors while you do the footwork. Go after it and make no apologies.

Oh, Shirley... If only I could give you a hug right now, I would!

Maybe admitting your sadness and anger can only lead to better things from now on. As long as you are not feeling sour and have the strength to move on (which I know you have), it will be fine. Everything will be alright, believe me. Degrees hardly mean anything these days, it's all about experience and with your creative background, as well as your academic excellence, you can chose to do anything you want to. ANYTHING. You could even be a Princess for all I know, there is still a single Prince of Wales running free out there!

If you need to talk or anything, call me and don't worry you don't have to be perfect - just be yourself, it's already more than many others are.

-Elodie xxxxx

You are definitely not alone in this oen Shirley, hang in there! Don't give up on your passions because those are the things that will bring you happiness, what's the joy in having everything in life, when you can't be happy?



Xx
Esther & Rachel
estellelamode.com

You are definetly not alone.... I got my degree almost 10 years and have been working hard to take care of my daughter. I do well at my job becauese that is what I am supposed to do. But deep down inside it drives me absolutly crazy. This year I made a promise to myself to start discovery new things and the things that I really love to do. Its just so hard. Ive made my parents proud because of my career, my child is more than well taken care of because I make decent money, I have things most people don't have, but im so unhappy deep inside. Thank you for being so honest. I really hope things do get better for you. I think its awesome that you do have other creative outlets. Definetly continue to pray and make yourself happy. Trust me, 10 years later you may regret it.

Hi Shirley,
you are definitely not alone. a degree is just that. you can go ahead an pursue what you love doing. maybe take out a year after graduation and do what it is you want and see how that pans out. I'm Nigerian and I know all about academic pressure. I did a degree I didn't want..excelled and I'm now "stuck" as I know for sure I don't want to continue in that line. If you do decide to do what you want, it will be an uphill climb but I think it's better to try than live your life wondering what if...
All the best,
Vieve x

as more as you expect from others, more disappointed you become. So try to feel good with yourself, be happy inside of you and relax, we all pass through difficult moments, but all difficulties have a positive side: they help you to be stronger.

You are not alone. I started uni last year and I went there because that was the only place I got into. I hate it more every single day because I know that for what I want to do, I don't need a degree (journalism or confectionery)... Once you'll have your degree in your hands you'll be relieved :) Just follow your dreams,and as a plan B you'll always have a "profession" that you "learned".

I hope you feel better soon :)

I know exactly what you mean, I come from a friendship group with people studying Law and Biomedical sciences at university and while I do (what I believe is) a tricky degree, French and Spanish, I get people going on and on about how my degree isn't a real degree etc etc, and I've always thought maybe I'm not doing the right thing, but I know I am, because even if it's not for other people, it's for me, and I'm a great believer in doing things that make you happy! I really hope this all works out for you xxx

Hey Shirley, just wanted to say although you are feeling lost, you will be okay. Even when you think you are at your worst, God is carrying you. Never forget that. I get what you’re going through and you are definitely not alone, I graduated last year, and the reason I did the course I did was simply because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and my dad pushed me in that direction so I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, whether if the path I’m on is really my purpose. But from your blog, I can tell like me you have a loving family who will support you no matter what and the rest God will take care off and hopefully you have friends at uni who you can talk to and that will help you through these dark times. Just be patient, and know it sounds frustrating but eventually you will get your answer, even though I hate the saying “patience is a virtue” it really is.
P.s just wanted to add quickly I LOVE your blog, definitely my favourite 

You are NOT alone Shirley! I had this for the past 2 years whilst I was at university and last month decided that enough was enough. I did not want to continue doing things that would please others or what I thought would please myself! I dropped out and have never looked back. I have come to the realisation that a pure academics course wasn't for me (i was doing economics) and have decided to apply for Advertising. Basically, you need not worry because your Mum will ALWAYS support your decision - especially the ones she sees will indefinitely make you happier. Good luck with everything and please please don't ever think that you're alone. God and your family are always with you. xxxxx

You are not alone.Go to God and speak to Him.Its natural but not normal.Dont make it last too long without consulting...take everything to the Lord in prayer.Be strong cos the joy of the Lord is your strentgh and you are supposed to have peace if you acknowledge the God of Heaven,so hold tight.You are more than a conqueror....do what you love in the mean time but ask God for direction and purpose.You can ask prayerful people to pray with you as well esp those who love you.Fill us in later:)

I think a lot of people often find themselves in a particular position. At the end of the day Shirley, you must always prioritise your happiness. If something isn't right for you, say it. You've got one go at life, you want to make sure you spend it doing something you truly love. Get your degree but make sure you have a long sit down and think about your path. As difficult as it may be sometimes, you need to explore what you want to do, not what others expect of you. I feel blessed that my family have always preached to me the importance of doing what I feel is right and going with my passions, whatever they may be. You should do the same! P.S MASSIVE CUDDLES!

You're not alone Shirley and its good to let it all out. No one is perfect :) I went throughexams fears and worries in my final year of my degree, I realised I did the wrong course because I did what everyone expected me to do and not what I truly love. 5years on, I am building up the qualification and skills to follow my dream. It's never too late hun, you're so young and creative, anything is possible. Cheer up :)

I am so moved by this post and all of the comments. I too have been in this situations on more than one occassion. It wasn't until my senior year that I realized that I didn't want to follow the career path that was laid out for me by my family, my major, and my professor. When I graduated my mom asked why did I major in Finance, aghast I responded because I thought that's what every one wanted. But at the end of the day, even though they have a weird way of showing it, I'm sure your family just wants you to be happy in whatever you choose. As for me I just went back to school because I was lost and had no clue as to what I really wanted to do... at the end of the day I just wanted to do what made me happy because I spent so much of my life trying to please other people. The funny thing is I wasn't sure (and still am I a little unclear) as to what would make me happy. Years later I am starting to get an idea of what it is, but I am realizing that figuring that out is all apart of life and what makes me happy today may not be what makes me happy tomorrow. I say finish what you start and then move on to the next passion. I am proud of you! ... and you should never feel alone. Trust me we have all been there at some point or another in our lives, but if we take the time out and live in the moment (the right here, right now) we can learn to appreciate those things that make us sad because those are the very things that shape us into the strong, beautiful, unique individuals!!

I love how revealing and intimate you were in this post. Very heartfelt and obviously well received.

http://hopelessinatlanta.blogspot.com/

The end of school is so frustrating. It's perfectly normal to be confused. If you're a person that likes to plan the unknown can be scary. I don't recommend doing something to make others happy you will end up miserable. Picking a major doesn't mean you're stuck with it for the rest if your life. The average person in there twemties changes jobs three to four times in there twenties to figure out what they want. This is a.time of self discovery and it's ok to give that to yourself.
Maybe you should try living in the states for the summer and explore some makeup and fashion opportunities.

Hi Shirley

I completely understand and am going thorough a similar situation. I believe that we are all born for a purpose and we are here to carry out that purpose. Even when we go in the opposite direction, we alway end up where we are supposed to be in the end.

The bottom line I guess, is that we only have one life to live, so why spend it pleasing others. They aren't going to feel your resentment in pleasing them. Its your life not their. I think they will understand and pray that you will find where you need to be :)

Nicole M (a subscriber) x

I feel the same way! I still have a year left to go and I can't see myself working for a corporation for the rest of my life :( Idk what I'm going to do but we have to be strong. Hopefully you don't have any loans the way I do because I'm screwed.

aw shirley! i want to give you a hug. i funnily enough had a conversation with my mum about feelings like these recently, her view was that it was all part and parcel of being the age we are. it's an age of uncertainty, anxiety and paranoia about everything! i still haven't got my head around being a confident person yet, i'm trying to learn to live for me and accept that i can't please everybody.

i'm sure things will fall into place for you, follow your head and your heart and remember to do things for you and nobody else. the ones that matter will always be there for you regardless. nothing is irreversable, so don't feel like the path you've chosen career wise is one for life. watching your videos it is obvious that you are a headstrong and ambitious person, the world is your oyster and if you just remember that and BELIEVE it, you will be a happy and fulfilled person xxx

Oh sweetheart! I went through this exact same thing as I was getting ready to graduate! You are definitely not alone! Just finish your degree and then do what ever you want! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE WHAT ANYONE ELSE WANTS YOU TO BE! YOU ONLY HAVE TO BE YOU!!! THEY WILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT! The pressure of pleasing people is too much for anyone to bear and trying to please everyone else will only leave YOU DISAPPOINTED! Follow your heart and your dreams...if what you are studying isn't it then find a way to incorporate your studies into your dream...if it doesn't fit then set it to the side and pursue your dream full force! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LIVING YOUR LIFE! LIVE IT!!! DON'T LET FEAR AND DOUBT PREVENT YOU FROM BEING THE AMAZING WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!

DEAREST SHIRLEY I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING CONTACT ME AT ....

Hey Shirley,
I don't want to pretend like I know what you are going through because no matter how similar our situations may seem they really are not the same. I just advice that you reach out to the people in your life. The ones who love and care about you because no mattter wha they will always support you. There is nothing worse than being stuck at a job you hate, and sure you may have initially always wanted to study something but the truth is our wants and passion sometimes change. You need to give yourself space and time and most importantly talk about it. I wish you the best . PS: I love your blog, and your youtube chanel. Long time fan

Just do what YOU want to do. I had a complete change of heart after I had finished my degree and now I'm trying to do something unrelated. You shoudn't feel pressured to go down one path because you started there, you make the decisions in your life and make sure you do it for yourself and for nobody else. Your not alone sweetie xxxx

oh I think I know how you are feeling. There is something about getting to the end of studying that is terrifying. I have been thinking about this alot recently, as I'm halfway through my masters and the job search in on. I think that up until now everything has been clear and planned out (first gcses, then a levels, then uni) and now is the time for just me to think of what I want to be doing. And half of me want ot just paint and sew and be creative and half of me wants to be ambitious and career driven. All I keep saying to myself is that I have so much time ahead of me. There is sucha pressure that what you do straight from university is your whole future and really it isn't. We cannot know what opportunities and events are in store for us so you just have to have faith and try to think of things as small steps. Not let the big picture be too overwhelming because we can't see it all yet! And talking is good. Just letting the fears out and accepting them makes them so much more manageable.
xxx

Shirley!! I wanna say so much to you as I empathise a great deal.. I too am going through a similar thing. I am in my last year of uni and everyday I go from saying yes - after uni I will do this and then the next day saying- no after uni I wont do that i'll do something else. I know only too well what you mean about everyone thinking you are little miss perfect and having secrets and personal issues that you feel you cannot tell ANYONE about. and it hurts :( it really does. But all I can say to you is you are not alone. And brave for writing this post. Just know that I and many others look up to you, and are here for you whether its through a comment or not and whatever happens, follow your heart, even if its just for that 5 minutes. Because that's all we can do really. Maybe half a year to a year abroad or doing something different will help you. I went to study in Sweden for 6 months last year and it helped me a great deal in 'finding' myself and really opening my eyes to things. Hugs Shirley! From a MASSIVE fan of yours :) xx

you are absolutely not alone, i completely understand your pressures. Keep praying and fast if you need to, God is always with you. And although it might not feel like it at this time your family and friends are with you too. Precious life, this life, just once, it comes just one time so please don't sad Shirley

Hi shirley.. am going thru the same thinking process right now... I did pharmacy and after doing it ... am finding out its not really what I want to do... but the thought of disappointing my Nigerian family ( emphasis) ... can be crippling ... but am slowly realising that doing what I love will make all the difference later in life .. and that gives me confidence everyday...
please stay strong.... you already have a beautiful path waiting for you ... ♥

You're definitely not alone, I literally come in and cry every night because I hate my degree so much but my parents have paid all my fees etc and I feel like I therefore owe it to them to see it through.

I think I do want a university degree but I completely identify with what you say about this was the degree you were 'expected' to do - I almost feel like my parents sat down when I was in school and decided between them with no input from me what I was actually going to do with my life.

I do feel really trapped sometimes, and I don't want to hurt anyone so I completely understand what you're going thrugh.

I'm afraid I can't offer any advice or help, only can say that I understand how you're feeling.

My plan of action is going to be to finish the degree and then go do something else entirely- I believe it stands you in good stead if you can say you're academic enough to have achieved a degree eve if the degree is not necessarily in what you want to do.

I hope you found that actually putting this on a blog and saying it out loud helped you in some way by actually allowing you to get those thoughts out there - I can say you've really helped me because I'm reading this before I'm about to leave for uni and I have that feeling of dread at the idea of going and I was literally just thinking how everyone else on my course seems to love it and I';m the only one that doesn't - and now I know tat I'm not the only one.

Sending love over
Roisin Elizabeth
xoxoxoxoxox

Shirley, I am Brazilian and I follow your blog a few months ago.
I love your posts about fashion, makeup ... and I confess that I was scared when I read this text.
Believe me, we all go through this phase. Prior to please ourselves we please others. This is a mistake!
You're not alone. Much strength and faith and continue to be this girl talented.

Kisses from Brazil.

Hi Shirley! I felt the same way for years...About 3 years ago, 'How could I tell my mother who had sacrificed so much to move me and my sister to the U.S. from the Caribbean for schooling that I didn't know what I wanted to do when I got out of college?' It was difficult, but in the end it all worked, because it all worked out when I trusted my instincts and found a great mentor who provided alternate career choices and great mentorship. Trust me you are not alone Shirley. By the way, you are young and most people don't know what they want to do when they get out of college/university. In my opinion college is just a way to build a foundation on what you ultimately want to do in life. It shouldn't be the end all be all. I do pray that you find solace and peace. Trust yourself and your instincts...~Lilia

Ive gone throigh the same thing that your going through. Ive been stressing out lately because I havent graduated school yet, I need to make more money, wanting to move out and have a better paying job. The only thing I can say is take it one step at a time and surround yourself with people who love and support you.

Big hug from Atlanta GA. I believe that trials like this remind us of how strong we are in the long run. Whatever it is that is going on please do not keep it inside. Making a mistake that reap lifetime repercussions are not worth a few bad feelings. Keep writing, keep posting, keep talking!!! Its all worth it just to show others that you are human and you go through things like all the other "Ms. Perfects" We are all here for you!! Thank you!!

You're not alone. I told myself yesterday that it's finally time to stop doing what people want me to do and start doing what I want to do. Maybe the things that you think are out of your nature are the things that YOU want to do but fear your loved ones won't approve? I changed my major three times in college, and a master's degree later I still sit in my office wondering what I REALLY want to do. And I'm almost 30. I have friends who are almost 40, going through the same thing. It's all a part of life that we go through, but it's essential because it makes us sit back and really focus on our inner thoughts that have been buried while we go about trying to fit into this thing called life. Take some time to tune in to yourself, and you'll be surprised what you'll find. It may be scary, but the earlier you come to know and accept who you really are, the better. Also, your degree doesn't determine your purpose. Family, career, relationships, etc are not determinants of your purpose at all. And finally, if you feel you need to seek help, please do. I did. Therapy can be fun :-). Someone else gets to listen to your problems for a change, and you get to just let everything out without fear of judgment. Having said all that, I love your blog! Take care.

Hi Shirley! I know the feeling...this is exactly what I experienced my junior year of college, and now (my senior year) i feel soo much better after finally coming clean and telling my parents that their dream career is not my dream. It was really hard for me to do but the weight that was lifted off my shoulders was incredibly heavy!! Even now i'm not quite sure what I want to do..I just know that i want to be happy..so I pray that God will lead me in the right direction. I hope you feel better <3

In everything u do its always important to be true to yourself, that's the only time your inner spirit will really shine. So finish what you started but take the time to know what you truly want,and when u know it ..whatever it may be..that's when you'll feel at peace

Shirley!!! I am facing the same thing! Its hard when you can't decide on what to do. My advice to you is to pray on it! Ask for some guidance from your pastor, your parents. I believe praying will help you in this situation. And you said that you can feel it inside, at times its just God trying to tell you something about what you are doing. Just take some time for yourself and meditate on the WORD. You will feel better on this decision. I hope this helps!!! Keep your head up! xoxo

Dear Shirley,
no one but you create your own life)
i belive you know it.
every person on threshold of his new life, unknown and unexpected is afraid o it. its ok. you change, like everyone in this world.
but you are not supposed to think what are you expected to do. if you wnat- cry, if you want- laugh. your life is all about you. your family, i think will understand everything that your for your best, your friends- your true friends will do that too.
if you want to change something- do it, be yourself- be unexpected. that what life is about.
there wont be any better moment to do it later.
Olga.
p.s. my english is not the best, but i hope that you will belive that life is nothing to be afraid of)

I Feel for you and understand. I have been in a similar feeling state for a long time now, probably different reasons but the dynamics are the same. its about more than your degree or your career path, its about learning to trust yourself above anyone else. my advice is to have the courage to do what YOU are guided to do. not what someone else believes your guidance should be. God Bless and ill send good energy and prayers your way!

You are not alone. Things will get better for you. And remember there is always going to be someone that's expects you to do certain things. Always remember that it is your life and you have to do what makes you happy.

Shirley you are beautiful intelligent woman. Ive been in your situation when you're living your life to please others. One day I decided to take control of my life and start living for myself. Your happiness is what matters. Keep praying love God will continue to guide you through this.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”-Benjamin Spock

You are not alone. I can 100% relate to this. I did things, especially academically, that I didn't like or see myself doing. The best advice I have for you is to be true to yourself. When you are true to yourself, you'll be in a happier state of mind. When you have that you're unstoppable!
Being yourself takes courage! Be courageous, you only have one life to live!
xx

inthe-blue.blogspot.com

Your not alone. I felt exactly the same way and spent alot of my adult life doing things for other people to make them happy and missing out on the fact, I need to be happy.

I did a degree in fashion marketing and worked hard and got stressed out at times, but half way through my degree I realised it was no longer what I wanted in life, I wanted my life to have more meaning, so I finished my degree, as that is always something I've wanted to acheive. I'm now actually studying a healthcare couse and its the best decision I've made and I chose this for MYSELF and no on else, so hun don't feel alone as I think everyone has been through this at somepoint.

You're honestly not alone. I'm always there for everyone and I'm seen as the strong one so no one really notices when I'm really hurting. They assume I can handle it but most of the time I feel terribly helpless. I'm in your situation too - future engineer, not because I love it to death, but because its what my parents expect and being African, you always have to do what your parents want. I too know it is not I should be do but just like you, I keep quiet about it and just keep going. Wow. Its relieving to know that I'm not alone on this. But I believe we'll be alright. God is on our side and is always on the lookout for us!

Keep your head up!!
XOXO, Adjoa

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such a heart felt post but in life we do get these thinkings but you are defo not alone! trust yourself and i know you are very strong and things will get better!
x

Shirley, you know what is right in your heart you just need time with ONLY yourself to figure out exactly what it is. At our age in life its a beautiful thing and a normal thing to have doubts on our career path choice. Your talent and creativity has lead you to this point on youtube and on your blog so obviously you have something different and special. Just because your good at being academic doesn't mean you should choose it for your path. I too suffer with the same feeling of "being perfect" but the harsh reality is, not everyone will like you, not everyone will agree with what you choose, not everyone will stand behind your decisions. But letting go and leading your life will free you from your stress and liberate you from your anxiety. Be bold, think this through and know that there are really hundreds, and thousands of people behind you. Your an inspiration to me and I hope you read this. We/I all love you and hope you the best. I'll be praying for you.

Remember "Anything you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

XOXOXO
Erica
fae101.blogspot.com

Don't worry shirely! You don't have to worry about trying to be perfect because god already made you that way, do what you love to do and you will never go wrong :)

you are not alone! i was just about to finish m degree with one year to go, when i decided to switch majors completely. I was going to school to be a buyer in a strictly business fashion school. Ive realized that i cant live my life trying to convince other to buy something they dont really need. what contribution am i really making to society? so next semester im starting fresh! i studying to be an early childhood educator. dont worry i get it chica! keep ya head up!

Hey Shirley, it's ok to feel this way at times, as someone that everyone looks up to it is easy to feel overwhelmed, you do not need to make decisions now so don't pressure yourself in life...my mum tells me it is around these times (uni work, stress etc) that the devil tries to break you and bring you down, take a moment to pray to God to show you the way, clear your mind and keep yourself focussed. You are truly a beautiful person Shirley, do not worry. God is on your side and I know that he has AMAZING things in store for your beautiful soul. x

Shirley...no hunny, you are not alone. I just posed something similar on my blog. I completely understand where you are coming from and you've got to shut out all of the outside noise and listen to what your heart is telling you. I have a great job and really enjoy what I do...but I don't LOVE what I do. My hobby (fashion, beauty, makeup) is what I LOVE to do. With that being said...I haven't quit my job just yet, but I'm on the way to pursuing what I LOVE :)

You're a not alone. Funny how I'm going through so much and watching your videos and following your blog gets me through a lot. Thank you. Just last night I was studying and tears just starting falling. I was angry and ashamed of myself. Sometimes we paint this beautiful picture of how we want/expect our lives to be and when it doesn't or isn't so bright we blame ourselves. Be strong. Your dreams of yesterday may not be for you today. Just keep praying, and follow your heart. Mind and heart always conflicts. Be strong. You're human and you will make mistakes, grow from them. Sometimes you just have to make the right decision for YOU. Easy to give advice but sometimes I don't follow my own.:-(

Hope you know that you're an inspiration to many young women around the globe. It takes a lot for you to share your personal lives with so many. Thank you. God Bless.

Tsahai

If you can't trust anyone else, trust your instincts. They won't lead you the wrong way.

Sometimes it's hard to do this, as it may feel like a scary road to travel, especially when you've spent so long working towards something else. And no one says going with your instincts or following your passion will be easy either, but in the end, when you get there (and even if you don't), you'll be glad you made the decision and went with your heart.

xx

Shirley you are not alone! Every so often there comes I time in life where you have to question everything in your life. You're not sure if the choices you've made thus far have be for you or for others. I too just recently had a breakdown. And for some odd reason the people who I'm closest to pretty much thought I was crazy and couldn't understand why I was so unhappy.

What helped me was taking time to myself to figure out the root of my unhappiness. Someone once told me that "you cant conquer what you don't confront and you can't confront what you don't identify." You are in control of your happiness, figure what you want and what changes you need to make to get there. YOU CAN DO IT!

I don't personally know you but I know that you are an amazing person and have touch people in ways that you will never know. This is just a trial, a pruning process, and when it's through you'll be better for it. I keep you in my prayers.

xoxo Sam Shade

you are not alone. it is very scary to choose to do what you want with your life instead of what others want for you. God is an artist who gives each of us special talent(s) that makes us almost child like in our joy when we utilize these talents. if you know what you want to do, do it. pray for guidance and read psalm 73. i also find that reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho helps me not to give up on my dreams. stay strong, baby girl :)))

Of course you're not alone.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help.
I saw a therapist for a few months some years ago and it helped me immensely. I always find it's so much easier to open up to a stranger because the odds of me running into them again are pretty small. I like knowing that I don't know them very well and even if they are judging me, it doesn't matter.

Life is too short to be stuck in a career that doesn't fulfill you. Even if you initially "disappoint" some people, they will be proud of you for following your heart. Even if they don't come around and give you their blessing, it doesn't matter: It's your life.

Since you're so close to finishing, it doesn't make much sense to just drop out.

Lots of people are in career fields that have nothing to do with their initial degree.

Best of luck to you!
Also, please don't be afraid to seek help. I would assume UK universities have counselors with whom you can speak.

keeping you in the my thoughts.

i'm sort of going through a similiar feeling/disconnection, i think. i am two months away from graduating college and feeling the many waves of change and "is this the right decision?" being too much to really handle.

telling you to not worry doesn't help. taking control or waiting it out seems like the only options, but which? who knows.

but you are right about you being strong. this will pass, i promise.

alissa b
http://alissab.us

No, you are not alone. I feel what you are going through because I've felt that way just recently too. And I have to admit that I haven't overcome it until now. With that I can't really give an advice about this matter. But if it helps, I want you to know that there are other people out there that are fighting similar battles. I will include you in my prayers, may God enlighten us and help us make the right decisions to be finally genuinely happy and content.

I am in the same boat. i have always done everything for everyone else made decisions that would please others . i am doing a degree i dont believe in and i live a life im not sure i want. i dont know what to do because sometimes i just wish i wasnt me and i wish i could detach myself from my own life and live in somebody elses shoes. i take it out on the people i love by being fustrated with stuff that really doesnt matter and creating problems just so i dont have to face that the life i am living i dont think is for me. it is difficult and wish i could be ignorant but i just keep messing up everything good that i have got because i am crying out for help that noone can help me with. i dont really know what to do in this situation so cannot advise you in life not that id have the right to do so anyway but know that you are not alone and that people face this problem more than you thought x i am always here for you although i have not met you or know you as a person. but you are genuine and your creativity inspires me and drives me to be better myself. x thank you x

You're not alone!!!! I went through it last year and am still going through it, except now I've learnt to just enjoy all the amazing things that come in between not knowing what to do with my life.

When the time is right you'll know what to do and you'll do it, but for now don't stress about it, finish your degree and have some fun!

Love Sara xxxx
www.fortheloveofmoi.blogspot.com

Ahhhh story of my life!! You're definitely not alone, I feel like this pretty much every day! It's rubbish. Hope you're okay beautiful! Things will get better X

This is going to be a cliche piece of advice but...'you'll be fine and things WILL get better'

I can identify with you. For most of my teenage and early twenties I was excited and passionate about being a lawyer...and then i did my law degree only to realize that...crap...i DON'T want to do this for the rest of my life...matter of fact i don't want to do this now at all..instead of taking the BPTC i decided to do a 2 year internship in a law chambers and while it confirmed my biggest fear....that this wasn't what I wanted....it steered me to the path that I was meant to be on :) Take some time. Figure it out. And when you do...jump in with both feet. Will keep you in my prayers. xoxo

Your not alone. Sometimes in life we go through these times of questioning purpose and direction. My advice to you would be not to lan on you're own understanding but acknowledge God in all your ways and he will direct your path. He had created you and has done so for a specific purpose, why not not let him use you. God Bless and trust God!

You are not alone. I am going through the same thing. I find solace in listening to Pastor Jamal Bryant's sermon "I Can't Take It Anymore". You can find it on youtube.

I know exactly how you feel Shirley but at the end of the day, it's your health and happiness on the line. follow your heart, and do what you love, the people you care about will come around eventually. nobody's perfect, go ahead make that mistake. chances are you won't regret it. XDDD

Wow I can totally relate to everything you said. Like you, I am miss perfect in my family--always the one to get good grades, never get in trouble, go to and soon graduate from an Ivy League university--and I used to think that I really had to leave up to these expectations ALL the time in order to please my family and those around me. However, an experience I had my sophomore year in college showed me that often time we put those expectations on ourselves, and at the end of the day, all our parents and those who really love us want from us is to be happy. Of course, they are proud and like to see us achieve but I now know that my parents would love me the same whether I was really into my academics or did something else. When you look back at your life, you want to not only be content but truly happy with the life you lived and if you think what you're doing right now won't bring you happiness in the long run, then honestly don't do it. Life truly is too short to waste it doing something simply to please others. Self-reflection and soul-searching is always good during times like these, and I really do encourage you to talk to those who you know love you about it. You'll be surprised how much they actually will understand. I wish you the best and hope this helps, if even only a little.

You are not alone Shirley.
So sorry you're going through this at the moment, but always remember, "This too shall pass."

It is OKAY to be normal, absolutely no one in this world is perfect.
The drive to be little miss perfect often times drives us over the edge.
When you fall, you get up again.
You are capable.

I can't really give you advice about the decision with school. I mean its easy to say quit if you feel as though it's not right but reality is the grass isn't always greener on the other side & I wouldn't want you to do something you may regret.
However, what I can indeed assure you is that as time goes by, things will become much more clearer to you.
You are currently going through what I like to call one those "hazy moments."

You'll be fine.

my lovely Shirley,

please know that what you are going through and your openness regarding this struggle is what makes you beautifully human. not perfect, but trying. i believe that you should listen to that little you within, that yearns for something more than what you have become expected to do or become.

you are a whole person, and sometimes we focus on certain things in order to ignore others, if you are where i think you are in your thinking, then you understand what i'm saying.

choose happiness. choose freedom. and nothing is EVER gained by not moving forward. be still. and listen, because if you've prayed, god is answering you. sometimes, we just need to slow down to hear what he has to say. <3

you reached out for a reason, and i truly hope that from the multitude that springs forth from your loving, supportive online family that something or someone is able to pass something along to you that calms your spirit and makes your day to shine a little brighter.

i feel like i've known you forever, because in many ways, we are the same. the separation of water cannot undo the good that you've put out into the world, and what you put out, will come back to you.

i love your spirit, and your precious nature. don't give up your unheard dream. push forward. there is something wonderful just waiting for you on the other side of despair.

and keep this saying in mind:

"If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”
— Nora Roberts

Blessings

PriscillaMarie aka YT indigoflower

My dear, you echo the cries of many young people who suffer the expectations of demanding family and who are type cast into a role by one's own family. I know someone who based their entire education and degree on what was expected of them. Though this person graduated with honors and achieved this degree, their heart does not sing as it desires. Their career is viewed with distaste. So you are certainly not alone and take comfort in knowing that. You're an adult, fully capable of making sound judgements. You're creative, fun, and brave (just by writing this open letter as well as opening yourself up to thousands of people online). ::Hugs:: time and self reflection and action will make these woes ebb.

I can completely identify with these feelings and I have to tell you that I've felt so much better after talking with a life coach to help me sort things out. I'm finally on the path to doing what I want and not what others expect of me and I've never felt happier. There is a way out of this dark place that you're in and it really is to follow your dreams. What makes you happy. This is your life. You deserve to be happy, however that looks for you. You're the only one that knows what truly makes you happy.

You will get through this.

oh Shirley babe. Sending you lots of love. Do whatever you want to do. Follow your heart and don't do what you think is expected of you. You are an incredibly strong and clever lady who will succeed in everything and anything you do. Lots of love xxx

Dang girl, you are loved.
I know I'm prob just repeating what someone else said but I'd say take you concerns to God and ask Him to guide you.

Tell me how, no lie, I just had an episode like this. It seems like its almost a requirement for colligate aged people to feel uncertain of their future.

But DON'T WORRY! It won't do anything but add gray hair to your head. Take it to the Lord.

I'm sure you're like me; you want a serious career, not an aspiring singer/stylist/artist/rapper, but something that'll have stability (not that I'm trying to crush any dreams lol).

Just remind yourself that money isn't everthing. Improperly used, money just hides the growing/deepening problems it creates.

A wise man once said:
"Gurl, don't forget that plenty people ball on a budget"

So blast that motivational gansta rap and tell yourself that you'll make it, no matter what uncertainties face your way.

Im prayin for ya.

P.S. If you wanna be a singer/stylist/artist/rapper, I'm sure you'd be the bomb.com

:)

Thank you, Shirley.
Because up until this post, I kept feeling like I wast the only one. I've already graduated and that thought, that feeling of some sort of regret for not pursuing something else are quite heavy. I keep thinking I didn't do the right thing. I'm almost convinced I didn't choose the right career path and it's because I was trying to do the right thing, be a good student, graduate college, make parents proud, go work 9-5. I was just going with the flow, so to speak. But now that I've had time to reflect I wish I would have taken the time to think of what I truly wanted to do. Don't get me wrong, I have a passion for a certain field in the career I did choose, I do, really, but I feel like I'm stuck now. Ugh. It's frustrating and I don't ever remember being this stressed and just having anxiety in my life. Sheesh, life is tough after college. But after all college was such a great experience for me, despite me now thinking about another career choice, I don't regret the experience it brought me because in a way it helped shape who I am. You've got your degree (soon anyway) and you've got this great platform (YouTube, your blog) to pursue other things. I've found a stronger faith while going through this all and I believe something will work out. I'm just trying to figure out still but I just KNOW something will work out. And you're young, I'm young, you've got that college experience, you can pursue other things. I should take my own advice but I'm still trying to figure out what it is that I want to do. I enjoy so many things! I hate being constricted to one career, one 9-5 job. You've got our support, Shirley, now be your own support as well and whatever step it is that you're taking next, support that dream.

Dear Shirley,

I don't know you but I find you - from what pictures, videos and text can tell me - very inspiring. You seem very intelligent. I get where you stand; I've been through this sort of feelings several times. Sometimes, people seem like they don't give a fuck. They do, they just don't express it the way you should have done it. Once you really understand that, you can appreciate in what whay they dó! And they do! I can't imagine someone not liking you!

Stay strong!
Nika xx

You are definitely not alone, Shirley. Many people go through this because we are always told to "pick a box"....you're creative OR your an academic OR your musically inclined OR your an athlete OR your a performer. Well, guess what....I'm all of those things, and noone tells you or shows you how to cope with that. A past boyfriend once told me that I'm cursed b/c I'm good at everything....and I'll tell you what: somedays I believe it...blessing and a curse, that is.

I'm now 34 years old and I have maintained a career in Marketing and People Management for 10 plus years. While doing this I feed my technical and analytical side by having my own dot.com business which I built, run, update myself and am expanding. I fed my athletic side by being a prep, college, and prof athlete until I was 24 (I even coached college PT for awhile), and I fed the performer in me by singing and acting in Professional Regional Theatre productions, and I fed my musician side by writing songs for musical friends and singing in a band (in college and in my early-mid 20s).

I want you to know that life is a journey and you should live it on your own terms. People will always have expectations and opinions of you, but only YOU know what you want (and expect) of yourself to be happy. You are young, hun. Try everything you've ever wanted to try and you will have the aha moment that leads you on the path to the substance you crave.

As I said...I am now 34 and married my hubby 1.5 years ago. In this lies another new journey...wife and motherhood, which, I'm sure will open doors to even more new experiences. Live your life for YOU and no one else. Always listen to yourself and understand that those inner-voices have merit. "Where much is given, much is required".

I'm sure you'll figure it out and take the world by storm!

hey there!dont worry abut it.you have us to cheer you up.I am currently in the same situation I tell you. I am studying something I do not want to do but from the way African parents think I just have to do it to please them. I wish I was doing something else because the work does not interest me at all and its so frustrating and I am not enjoying it but I am guessing we dont always get what we want out of life.Im hoping later or soon enough you can branch out of this phase and do what you really want to do. I hop for the best for you darling.x

Shirley, you are not alone!!! I was in the same situation where the pressure of what I was expected to be was preventing me for doing what I wanted to do with my life. I have always been expected to study law, go to law school, become a high profile lawyer, but from time to time a thought creeps in telling me its not what I'm meant to do, I always wanted to be a teacher, and while i am still battling the decision (going back and forth) I found that once I made up my mind and decided what I WANTED TO DO, the burden just seemed to lift, and I felt so much better about myself and my life.
This sounds cliche, but at the end of the day, you have to do what makes you happy, the decisions you make might indirectly affect the people around you but it directly affects your life, and that is what you need to be living. Other people have lived their lives and are continuing to do so, you have to take the bull by the horns and conquer it. Live your life Shirley.

happiness is a state of mind...

Shirley, remember what I said to you. Do what is right for you, don't try and make others happy because otherwise you never will be. I've gone through a difficult time recently trying to decide where I want to go in life but things will come together in the end. As long as you stick to your guns and do what is right for you. xx

I have been feeling like that for about a month. Almost done with and Engineering Degree not sure if thats my call.

This unknown feeling is what all young adults go through as they transition into greatness!

Capitalize on this confusion to discover what YOUR true desires are.

Be perfect to yourself for yourself.

GOD already knows how perfectly he made you and what you will accomplish for His glory!

Keep your head up Beautiful, you are experiencing a "polishing" phase such as Diamonds in the Rough.

<3

you are definitely NOT alone! I am doing software engineering, but will I do a career in it? I don't know. I think I really just fool myself into thinking it when in reality I'd love to be a full time blogger or do fashion or something creative. It's so hard, I wish I knew what to say but I'm in the exact same boat :-( xxx

I can relate to you, I've had to overcome anxiety, I had to choose between doing things to make others happy or doing things to make me happy, struggles with trusting others & no one hearing my cry for help when I was in need, so my dear no your not alone. These are some of the things that can make life difficult but what is so amazing about life is that through trial & tribulations if you keep fighting for what you truly believe in for what your heart truly beats for, you will conquer all things, yes it's a struggle, yes it can be painful but in the end YOU CONQUERED!!!!!! What I am about to say please don't take as offensive.....when every last one of of was born on this earth we were born alone, that means we fought & fought through our mother harsh womb ( because anything is bound to happen during pregnancy) & we made it through the vagina lol & finally the cry of life.... That goes to say you were destined to be here because from the time you were born up to now your still here you survive the harshness of life & that also mean it's for a reason a reason being that you are destined to do whatever it is that life has in store for you, so since you survived life this long you deserve to be happy you deserve to do WHATEVER there is that's makes you happy for your life there is only one & it is YOURS no one elses, DON'T ROB YOURSELF OF BEING HAPPY!!!!

Fear & loneliness during my time of need is where my anxiety came from & so might yours some of the ways to overcome it is to keep yourself occupied with all things positive, meditation, reading inspirational books, yoga, hiking, star gazing some these really help

Shirley your a beautiful creation that should believe in yourself & the power of the great creator, look at life as fun, beautiful, rewarding, full of wonderful surprises all you have to do is listen within yourself & follow your heart & you'll live your dream :) chev

you're not alone. I have bad thoughts too, constantly. I've never felt secure in any aspect of my life, I feel like I'm constantly pounded by bad luck. I have an associate's degree, and can't do much with it.

I know the feeling. But you're so close to a degree, have a great blog, an obvious love for fashion. you're going to do great things, be patient and take things one day at a time. <#

XO Sahra

Hello, Shirley. You know what's funny? That just before reading your post, I've felt the same thing. I don't have anyone who really loves me and treats me like a good person except from my boyfriend. And I have the strength to put everything away, and live for him. You have to understand that you are worth much more, than those people who disappoint you. You are not alone for sure, besides people who love you, I am with you. I know it's wierd.. I really hope that everything will be okay in your life.. you are strong! love.

I feel the exact same way! I even did a blog post on it http://melissaswardrobe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/woe-is-me.html
xx

i'm so sorry you feel that way shirley! you are such a strong-minded independent woman. i can't say i know exactly how you feel because i'm only in high school, but my mom is a doctor and she's always pressuring me to be one as well when i know i would never be happy being a doctor. my piece of advice: take a hint from disney movies and follow your heart :)
~niki <3
http://youngandimmortal.blogspot.com/

I feel your pain trust me. You feel alone but trust me you are not alone. You are close to the finish line, your degree is something no one can take away from you when you are done. You are young too as well. After your degree you can start off with what your heart wants and what makes you happy, then if that doesn't work out you can fall back on your degree. I see greatness in you. I will like to leave you with this Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts and plans that i have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not evil, to give you hope in your final outcome" Worry less please because HE has your back. Keep up the great work!!! :-* :-D

Dear Shirley,

You most definitely are not alone. I may just be an outsider looking in, but even I can see that you are a strong, beautiful, independent and intelligent woman. Above all, however, you are of course human, and as a result its only normal for life to become overwhelming at some point. I myself am in the same situation. I've been feeling unhappy and out of sorts for a little over half a year, with barely anyone who knows it. I don't know what the source is, but it mainly comes from feeling lost, which it seems is the way you feel. Because, however, everyone sees me as always happy, and strong, it's impossible to face, and to overcome.
I know what you mean when you say its difficult to be creative and academic. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't worry that be chosen path (law) is the wrong one, and that I should've followed my passion (painting). But, as I'm almost done, all I can do now is to finish my degree, and see where the road takes me. Maybe that's something you could do as well. At least that way your current degree would be something to fall back on in case any future plans don't work out.
Most importantly though, you need to find a way to make it clear to yourself, and to those surrounding you, that you aren't perfect. And trust me, you'd be surprised by how understanding people can be. There's no need to carry the burden alone, not when you have family and friends who care about you. Talk to them, and you'd be surprised by how well they listen :)

I know this was a lot to read, but I guess I just wanted you to understand that you aren't the only woman going through this (as the comments clearly show). We'll all find our way sooner or later...

Sending you lots of love and strength from Holland,
Nicole

"Be strong, be defiant. No one can hurt you, you can only hurt yourself."
(Just a quote that always gives me strength)

Dear Shirley.

I am a lot younger than you, studying my first year in college but i guess i do understand. Before choosing to leave for college or stay for six form i felt immense pressure to study academic subjects going into something along the lines of Law or forensic science. But i figured that you only live once and I'd rather fail then get to a point in my life where i haven't fulfilled my ambitions, and although others can judge they can never tell you what do because the fact is, it's not their life, so don't live their life,they wont be there forever, it's yours and you must be true to yourself and live without regret. The academic, although i am very well capable of pursuing such options, i decided to study fashion, i have an immense passion for sewing, designing and being inspired and i can honestly say everyday I've been at college i have enjoyed immensely, the feeling is uplifting and I'm glad i left school behind, however hard it was initially. Although at first people looked down their noses at me when i told them what i was studying, who gives a damn because I've never regretted my decision.

Don't get me wrong I'm immensely scared about following fashion, as it is one of the most trying sectors but i truly believe with passion you can do anything you desire.

I hope this helps or at least brightens your day.

Best Wishes
Xxx C

Hang in the Shirley. Take in what your followers have kindly contributed, sleep on it and then use your own judgement to deal with your feelings. Only you can sort your thoughts into something that makes sense. And even though it feels like a difficult and painful task, your best friend/mum can't do it for you (possibly why you feel alone in this). You'll feel like yourself once again, gradually.

You aren't alone. Once upon a time, I found myself in a similar situation, I was patient with myself. I finished a tough degree and promised myself never to behave like a sheep again. I'm now studying pharmacy and about to graduate again! No regrets just plenty of me time =)

You are going through what most people go through tbh. Being alone and feeling alone only makes things worse too. I have been in this exact same position, where the people around you assume you are strong when in actual fact, sometimes i feel like I'm the most vulnerable. All you need is someone to talk to, someone who can identify with you and someone who wont judge you pr see you as weak because of how you are feeling at this moment in time.

I think, what gets most people down is the feeling of hopelessness, but Shirley, I know you, I know you have a bright future ahead of you, you are a strong, courageous, intelligent, inspiring, beautiful young woman. This is a hurdle you will jump over and laugh at when you look back. Don't feel like you have to bear this all on your own, I am only a call away and if you need me, I'm here for you. I'll come stay over if you need me to just sit and eat ice cream with you lol :P

<3<3<3

XxX

your deffo not alone you have all these people on here :)
love you blog :D xxxx

Hi gorgeous girl. You are not alone. To be honest, these are feelings that never really go away. I'm being honest. However there are ways of minimising these anxieties. Gaining perspective and biting the bullet and deciding that you need to make the choices that make you happy. Not everyone is going to like it and not everyone will understand but its essential to your health and its essential to you living the life you want to live. Getting up each day and actually feeling like you want to get out of bed, you want to work, you want see people because ultimately its all done on your terms. I was bullied when I was younger. For a long time I think I let it define me - I met people who I love and have great support from my family, but it's still something that was there. Still is. I over compensated in friendships, I would do things that were clearly not in my nature. Sometimes now I even worry so much I can give myself migranes. Not good. Not fair. My motto is: Give yourself a chance.

Right now, everything is for everyone. I bet you don't like confrontation but wit your family you can snap at any minute? That's because your so wound up. The first thing you have done is draw attention to it - I was so against sharing my feelings, or dumbing them down that I wouldnt realise how it was effecting me overall. Now I don't know how long you have till the end of the degree, if its very ong and your sure you don't want to do this then I can say you really don't want to waste your time doing something you dont want to do. If you do finish then great. You have a back up stable degree with a linear job attached. This means you can pursue something you really want to do a but more because the specialist engineer/teacher side will always be there. Trust me. I did a degree, went straight into the career linked to it and decided late last year that I was going to opt out and make steps to the career I wanted. So many friends were in awe - I'm still ploughing but I feel like a massive weight has been lifted. I also think that you being the oldest and doing everything first is a massive pressure. Im a middle child and looking back, I got away with so much compared to my big sister. Also...if like me you have literally had everything mapped out since A-Level to Uni whilst most people have been on Gap years or traveled extensively. Maybe look in to giving yourself a break. The world will still be here when you get back and maybe you'll have some clarity.
Its hard, its annoying the cycle our minds take us through and its scary. Like I said, these can be minimised when you get perspective and begin to do you.

Well then girl i so remember being in that position in my final year at uni that's always when it hits because you come to the realisation that soon the mascarade is going to end plus you feel at a cross end because you are maturing and want to own up more to your actions...it's to be expected unfortunately they don't give you notice at uni that this feeling melting pot is going to explode you literally find yourself in it...but the great thing is as many have said before you definitely come out of it with a new sense of empowerment in your decision making and this will simply lay the basis for you to better deal with similar upcoming hurdles because oh yes there is more to come! However it's your attitude towards them that will improve and make you stronger! Comfort yourself in the love you give and receive back from your dearest and arm yourself with prayers too...fear not the super woman in you! xoxo

Hi gorgeous girl. You are not alone. To be honest, these are feelings that never really go away. I'm being honest. However there are ways of minimising these anxieties. Gaining perspective and biting the bullet and deciding that you need to make the choices that make you happy. Not everyone is going to like it and not everyone will understand but its essential to your health and its essential to you living the life you want to live. Getting up each day and actually feeling like you want to get out of bed, you want to work, you want see people because ultimately its all done on your terms. I was bullied when I was younger. For a long time I think I let it define me - I met people who I love and have great support from my family, but it's still something that was there. Still is. I over compensated in friendships, I would do things that were clearly not in my nature. Sometimes now I even worry so much I can give myself migranes. Not good. Not fair. My motto is: Give yourself a chance.

Right now, everything is for everyone. I bet you don't like confrontation but wit your family you can snap at any minute? That's because your so wound up. The first thing you have done is draw attention to it - I was so against sharing my feelings, or dumbing them down that I wouldnt realise how it was effecting me overall. Now I don't know how long you have till the end of the degree, if its very ong and your sure you don't want to do this then I can say you really don't want to waste your time doing something you dont want to do. If you do finish then great. You have a back up stable degree with a linear job attached. This means you can pursue something you really want to do a but more because the specialist engineer/teacher side will always be there. Trust me. I did a degree, went straight into the career linked to it and decided late last year that I was going to opt out and make steps to the career I wanted. So many friends were in awe - I'm still ploughing but I feel like a massive weight has been lifted. I also think that you being the oldest and doing everything first is a massive pressure. Im a middle child and looking back, I got away with so much compared to my big sister. Also...if like me you have literally had everything mapped out since A-Level to Uni whilst most people have been on Gap years or traveled extensively. Maybe look in to giving yourself a break. The world will still be here when you get back and maybe you'll have some clarity.
Its hard, its annoying the cycle our minds take us through and its scary. Like I said, these can be minimised when you get perspective and begin to do you.

Shirley babe, sending you lots of love. Please do what you want, follow your heart and don't do what is expected of you. You are an incredibly beautiful and clever girl who will succeed at everything and anything you do. Lots of love, xx

Ooops - sorry I talk a lot.

When I visit my little brother in Nottingham Uni I'm going to look for you and give you a massive Kessie hug xxx

I've also felt the same way you do. I'm at the end of my chemistry degree and it is hard to admit that maybe this is something that I don't want to do for the rest of my life. I've felt like I have to continue with it because I've spent so much time investing it and my family have so much invested in my future.

I wish I could tell you to do what you want and what makes you truly happy but at the end of the day I can't even tell myself that! It's a weird place to be in for sure. I hope things get better for you! I know for me, I've just tried to find the positives in my field and just try to place myself in positions that I know I enjoy or that make me happy :) There's nothing worse than feeling stuck :/

Hope you feel better!!!!

hi shirley,
you definately are not alone!!!.
i hate to bore you with my story but it might help if youre in a similar situation.
i come from a family of all lawyers, and my mother made everyone of us study law. It took me doing a masters in law and being so unhappy to finally come out and tell my mother i wanted to study fashion design. Believe me it was hard!!! Any african mother usually believe that "fashion" is not a career choice and that "i want to play". My whole family was not supportive and looked down on my choices, but i did not give up! i started applying to fashion schools and visualizing the life i want. TODAY With lots of prayer, consistence and patience, my twin sister and I are now leaving london to study at FIDM(los angeles). Follow your dreams Shirley! That little instinct that speaks to you will only get louder till you awnser it xx

Shirley, you are not alone. The struggle of artistic pursuits vs. academic pursuits is not new. Luckily, you're still young enough to choose.

Please don't despair - as a fellow artistic, I, too, have had 'uncharacteristic thoughts'. Because you can recognize them as being 'uncharacteristic' - you're already a step ahead.

Whatever dicision you make regarding your pursuits, just know that though life is short - it is never too short to change your mind, and do something else. It is your right to choose your path.

Please be strong, and my God continue to bless you.

First time poster. I just want to say you are not alone. You should always follow your heart. You will not be able to please everyone, but you should at least please yourself.
Make sure you are proud of what you do and you really can't go wrong.
*hugs from Cali*

You are not alone! I am so happy to see that I am not alone as well! I have been dealing with the same thing as you are. The only thing I can say that has helped me in the past months is that: You can't be any good for anybody else if you are unhappy and not following in the plan for your life that will bring you the most joy. The best thing for everyone is for you to be happy within yourself and it's crazy but once you let go of trying to be perfect for everyone else and are truly happy people around you will be happier too. God and the people that love you only want to see you happy! Keep praying :)

Shirley you are not alone. I'm not exactly your age (I'm in Year 11) but I've recently experienced the pressure to keep up with 'perfect' exterior/image even though I feel completely different inside. I understand exactly where your coming from and one thing that helped me through my similar situation was the idea that,

'You can please all of the people some of the time. You can please some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.'

It definitely sounds cheesy but it somehow makes sense. I hope that everything works out to your good Shriley.

xox

You have your whole life ahead of you. Just remember who you are and what you do for a living are often two different things. You have a talent and love for fashion, beauty and photography and some how you feel this ends if you begin a career in engineering? It does not. You can do it all. You can start down one road, which will lead to another. Don't stress about. Enjoy the journey. Be grateful that you have the luxury of choice.

All the best
Kareen

There are times I feel like this too, but the most important thing is to build a foundation based on how well you know yourself. What you love is important, peace, joy. With all this there comes happiness. Put the things that trouble you into prayer for God listens always & always he is by your side. After your prayer have faith that the Lord is able to give you peace and the answers you are seeking and will lead you to the right path and guide you through your decision making.

God Bless you xx


"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."- (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)

I felt the same way. The pressure of pleasing your family and church family and everyone else around you gets really high. They don't realize they do it but they pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. But your spirit is telling you what God is calling you to do Shirley. I've been there. I changed my major FOUR times before I found what makes me happy. Instead of being a doctor or nurse like all the rest of my family is and wanted me to be, I prayed and prayed until the Lord dropped in me what I always knew I wanted to do. What I always loved to do. Write-> Journalism -> Broadcasting. The moment I started taking classes in this at university everything just started to fall into place. My suggestion is that you follow your heart. Don't worry about what others think because that's what got you down in the first place. I know we don't know eachother but girl, as a Christian, I love you. I want you to be happy. I hope you get to read this comment amongst all the other lovely ones of encouragement. You are a very strong young woman. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

Please know that I say this from many many years of experience, that emotional anxiety when it overcomes you, is not necessarily a bad thing all the time. It's because you're trying to hold on to a security that may or may not exist anymore and it's that part where "when life throws you lemons" kind of thing. You figure it out, always will, because no problem is ever too big. You're not alone, people survive the most insane things everyday. But, you're very strong to have been so open to the world like this and hope you start feeling better with time. :)

You are obviously not alone and you have many followers who are here to support you. I usually don't reply to people's posts but I was compelled to do so since I myself feel those exact feelings at this very moment. I feel scared as well specially with all these negative thoughts that have been popping in my head. It seems like there is no one there i can really turn to even though I have people who love me dearly. But what has helped me at the moment is to take it one step at a time and see how or what i can try to fix and get back to a happier me. Sometimes its ok to be a little selfish. Wish you nothing but the best and may all negative things just go away.

Shirley :)

I put a smile there because i want you to know everything will be ok. You know sometimes in life we go through really horrible things, but we make it through right? If someone would ever tell us what we were about to pass through half the time we would never believe we'd make it through, but we do.

FOOTPRINTS. The most amazing poem ever written (in my opinion), even more so for when you're feeling like this. God is in control my lovely, he always will be and sometimes we need to just trust that he will handle it (even though its the hardest thing to do sometimes)

I too am in my final year doing an academic degree (Law), the next step is law school yet my heart screams aloud to me everyday that my calling is entertainment (acting specifically, not necessarily something I'm expected to do, even more so frowned upon because in African families we're expected to become Lawyers, Doctors, Teachers etc).

But I have promised myself that i will not go straight into law school, I'm going to take a year out (which i have never done before) and just FIND ME.
Shirley i urge you to do the same.
You are amazingly talented and i always imagined you being a stylist/makeup artist, and whilst that isn't what is expected of you from family, friends etc, if God has blessed you with such talents, who are you not to utilise them?

i want judgement day to arrive and God to ask me "what have you done with your life" to which i will respond "Daddy, i used every last inch of talent you gave me". I want the same for you

Pray shirley, pray and have faith, which is one of the hardest things to do because as humans we want to control everything, but this is something you need to leave the big guy to handle for you.
He will, trust me :)

You are blessed, and I'm sure whatever you decide to do you will continue to bless others with your talents, be it academically or creatively as you have already done.

Much Love
J
xXx

I've been in a similar situation, so you're definitely not the alone! When I was in university, in the middle of the 4th and final year of the program (just one school term away from potentially graduating!), all the buildup from the previous few years--pushing myself to continue studying for my degree, even though I was liking it less and less and becoming more and more burnt out--made my body shut down and led me into a slight depression... So, unfortunately for me, I let it get too far and break down my mind and body.

I was lucky enough to find something that pulled me back and lead me to what I'm currently passionate about: music! At first it was something that I found to be therapeutic, and then eventually I realized I had aspirations to create it seriously, and that it was something that really made me happy to be a part of.

But it definitely takes time. I don't know if you're in as dark a place as I was (I hope you aren't!) but it's possible to bounce back from even those depths! Well, perhaps not "bounce" exactly, but... you know what I mean. ;) Good luck to you Shirley, you'll get through this and you'll discover your path! All of your followers here really care about you and we're here for you~! I hope you will be able to connect with and get the support you need from your friends and family too. Take care~~!!

I feel exactly the same. Anxiety creeping into daily life where it need not be. Worry about the future when you get to it and live for the amazing day to day experiences and the wonderful people you are going to meet on that journey. Everything happens for a reason. Gemma-Louise xxx

You are not alone. It's okay to feel this way. Pray for guidance and then take a step of faith. It's okay if you take a step in the wrong direction, it's okay if the path to your destination is bumpy; God is always with you, and it will all work out in the end. Whatever you do, do not allow fear or the expectations of other people to hold you captive, preventing you from taking a step of faith.


TheUncommonBeauty.blogspot.com

You have so many comments on here I almost think mine is redundant!

I have been where you are. I graduated 2 years ago. I did a psychology degree and HATED it. I did not and can not work in any field related to it or I will hate myself for it. I now work random freelance media jobs and in a pub and I am trying to get by and be happy. You are not alone in this feeling. I am still finding my path. I even think know I want to try becoming a beauty journo as I love my blog so much! Try to follow what you love.

I can actually say I know exactly what you are feeling in this. And I empathize. As crazy as this sounds I actually wish I could talk over coffee and help you see this, but I know it wont happen and I understand.

Know you are not alone, it is normal to feel like this, I still do to some extent feel...lost? But I am happy I went a different direction, moved to London and still trying to find where I fit in.

I wish I know what I wanted to do since 16 too like my brother. Life would be so much easier.

My biggest regret is I did a uni course and a-levels and gcses that my mum wanted me too. Not follow what I am actually like, creative and media/art driven. Not follow science/maths try to become a psychologist and at one point pushed to be a lawyer (NO WAY). It made me unhappy. I am a creative person. End of. Despite people's efforts, I cant change that about myself.

We are not perfect. Neither is life xx

you are not alone...i am in this situation too right now...one day everything will make sense but in the meantime, keep praying and seek God FIRST for the answers...He will give you the answers you need.

ive been looked at as miss perfect all my life so i know exactly what you are going through but i think it is rare to find someone that goes through the same thing as you...thanks for sharing...u are so not alone:)

Hi Shirley,

I can only imagine what you are going through right now. I have always been a very creative person but being the eldest and the first generation born in a western country, there is always this fear that you will let the people who scarified some much for you down.

My parents always reminded me how lucky I was to have access to a good education and all the other benefits that comes with living in these part of the world.
Being the overachiever that I am , I took what they told me to heart and buried my creative side because I felt I needed to do something positive with the opportunity I was given.

I followed the path that I thought would bring me success and happiness. I push my self to have the best grade possible and aim for the most successful career I could get. The level of success being the highest salary I could possibly make.

But today I am not at crossroad. Wondering if the path I have been following all my life will really make me happy. I will graduate with a degree in accountancy and the rest is now up to me. I can either continue in that direction and get my accreditation or I get make my own way.
It sound very simple in theory but in something else in practice.

Fear consumes me. I don't want to mess this up. I keep wondering what will really make me happy. No matter what anyone say work is work. There will always be days where you which you could just stay home a do nothing.

I wonder if perhaps I expect to much, if I am to much of an idealist and am now having a reality check.

I think what is most frightening is the uncertainty. I think we are at a age where we realize what life is all about. There is no guarantee and taking control of our life is a really difficult thing to do. Especially when you haven't had much practice.

As much as people tell you that it will be OK. It's hard to imagine that all this anxiety that consume you will ever go away. But you have to belief that it will otherwise what the point of going through all of this? Why should we put ourselves through this if nothing good will result out of it.

Even if you feel like you are not going anywhere you have to keep going. In the hopes that one day you will get there. Where ever that may be.

I think we need to forget about other, be it your parent, friend or even people that we admire and focus on ourselves.

Nobody is meant to have the same life. The only way you can ever get to where you want or even a place you never imagined you would be is to acknowledge your fear because denied it won't make it go away. But once you've acknowledge it make a conscious decision to face your fear.

Try something new, give yourself time to explore something you always wanted to do. And if it does not work out your education will always be your back up plan.

This is what I plan to do for myself. Before I go any further in my studies, I am giving myself one year to try something I always wanted to do. And once that year is up. I will re-evaluate my position and see where want going to go from there.

I wish you go luck Shirley, and as difficult as life is right now. Never give up on yourself and belief that one day things will get better. We never really appreciate things when they come to us too easily. ;D

As everyone else has said, you are not alone in these feelings. I was a people pleaser in my youth. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about anything at one point, so I didn't. That choice led to a series of not so great decisions with long lasting effects.

If there is even one person you can unload a small part of your worries on, please do. You will always wonder how things may have been different if you did.

Who says you can't do it all Shirley?

There is no fine print on life. You can dabble in one field, then two years later be in another one. There is a whole world out there and just because your degree says one thing you can do a hell of a lot more.

Take time to explore and figure out what YOU want to do and don't rush into a job because you feel like it's you only choice.

When there are a lot of things expected of you - there are a lot of pressures that come with that. Although your family may be telling you that they want you to finish school and become super succesful they may just mean that they want to see you happy. They don't want to hurt you. But I know how you feel. You need to take a step back and look at where you actually want to go... you're only 22 and not knowing what you want to do is even still OK! Step back and actually say out loud what you want to do with your life, and if at the end you don't know - then fine. Maybe you should explore the world and find yourself and then maybe you will be ready.... but by the way... have you ever thought of advertising? ... drop me a line if you want to know more...

You're not alone. I'm sure all of us could relate in one way or another me especially. I've been in that horrible horrible place. Where you feel entirely alone and that you don have anyone to turn to. Also felt the pressure to be this person that everyone expects you to be. All I can tell you is that this is this verse " teas may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning". I've been following your blog for a while but I usually don't comment. I know you're a Christian young woman so all I can tell you is to turn to God. Only He can give you the comfort you desire. There's nothing too hard for our God honey. Surrender it all to him. I'll pray for you.

I honestly say your life is the mirror image of mine...except my struggle is a degree in medicine. Like you I'm a harder worker at my academics always have been. The expectations of others meant that I couldn't tell people I wanted to do something else with my life or just wanted more out of it...I would who wouldn't want to be a doctor right. It's still a great struggle because I feel the life God has in store for me should be more fulfilling. I know the fear you feel..and I wish I could say it's an easy decision but it's one only you can make and enjoy once it's the right once for you even if it leads miles away from where you are now. Please stay strong.
Candy..Trinidad

I wish I had the right words to say, but I don't. I understand what you're saying. I think you need to be still and be true to yourself. I'd advise you to finish your degree and have that under your belt, but know that it's not final. Also, remember, IF YOU LOSE, DON'T LOSE THE LESSON. Even if the math degree isn't for you, there's a lesson to be learned here. The lesson is for you to be true to yourself first and foremost. Only you have to live and breathe as you.

Also, I don't know you, but you're such an inspiration. You're touching lives all around the world. Much love.

You are most definitely not alone! I totally understand. I'm currently in my third year of university and can honestly say that as the years go by, I've realized that college is not only a place for you to get an education and try to maintain satisfactory grades, but it's also a growth process. You make friends & then might lose them because you've realized that you two are leading completely different paths in life. It doesn't mean that one is better than the other... just different. It's always good to make sure that no negativity is being put in your life; whether that be your thoughts or those from the outside trying to put you down. I have also had moments of intense stress related to my courses that made me question my future career interests. However, I've come to realize that a a good sum of college students (whether they admit it or not) do not particularly enjoy all of their courses related to their major. And with that in mind, others end up changing majors; even if they have like a year left to graduate. When you think about it, we are still young and still learning. It's a blessing really. We have our whole lives ahead of ourselves to continue on learning and growing. It never ends. But with that in mind, know that we are being tested. Yes, happiness is not forever, but neither is anger or sorrow. We ALL make mistakes, but it definitely does not MAKE us. I personally value the moments where I can just shut the world out for a bit to gather my own thoughts. I truly do hope that things turn for the better for you and that you see things in a clearer light soon. I enjoy reading your blog & watching your YouTube vids not only because you're a beautiful, intelligent woman, but also because also because of how genuine you seem. Again, I want to remind you that you are not alone and that even though you did not detail anything, I do understand. -BIIIG BEAR HUG- lol :) Love & prayers sent your way! -Shaza

OMG Shirley there is no way you are alone ....I am in school and I have been going part time for soo long I get sad wondering when is it going to end...But I learned that life will make you a student if you dont learn the first time life will come back and quiz and test and quiz and test...so take your time to do what God is calling you to do... take time and journal and pray...keep that cycle and I know you will hear what and when you are suppose to do! You are a talented blessed young lady...and some times gifted people suffer in the mind with them selves because of the gift embrace you and all of who you are and if your future plans change follow the change and you wont regret! XOXO from the US!!!
KOKO
www.kokovisions.blogspot.com

Sometimes we all just find ourselves in an unusual space, doing things we never thought we would, then at the end of the day we realise we lost ourselves a long time ago, lost ourselves in the world of other peoples perception on how and what we should be, You are definitely not alone, All you need to do is to try and find yourself again and focus on your discovery, Although there may be other issues you have to deal with, just know that at the end of the day, its all about you and finding that place within yourself that makes you happy......

- I'm so overwhelmed with everything that I'm going through combined with the fact that I read yuhr post about all the same emotions I'm feeling that all I can say is... "No, yuhr not alone!"

awwwww shirley, im not in your predicament, but i feel where your coming from. i think to feel that way is definately natural, and even though i dont know u from adams apple, i hope and pray u come to peace with what it is you do.whatever brings you joy, and makes you feel like your where your suppose to be should be your choice, no matter how much work it takes, and no matter what anyone says, at the end of the day, what your doing with your life is suppose to make you happy, but on the bright side, i feel any route you decide to take youll succeed with flying colors, no matter what it is:] i hope you tell us what u decide to do!kisses from america!

Shirley,
I have been out of school now for almost two years and I still have no clue as to what it is I want or supposed to do with my life. Trust me, when I was coming to finishing my degree, I was going through a very similar situation. My anxiety got the best of me & I had a panic attack. I, too, felt alone & as if everyone else brushed it off like I was making a big deal out of nothing. It was very scary to me, being unsure about the direction my life was headed, if I had made the right choice in my degree, and figuring out what it is I truly want to do with my life. To make a long story short, I still don't know what I want to do, but I have faith that in God's timing, he will lead me exactly to what it is he made me to do. I believe that he will do the same for you, just trust in Him. Its so cliché, but follow your heart, Anyone who is opposed to you pursuing what you have a passion for is irrelevant. & In following your passions, those who love you and support you will continue to do so. Please keep your head up & know that this feeling is only temporary. I'll be praying for you. All my love, from America... xoxo Sarina D.

Aww I know what you mean Shirley, Ive been going through the EXACT same thing for about a year and a half now. But after awhile you realize that you can't please everyone and it's not healthy to try.The only person that is going to living your life is you and no one else. They won't be going through all the up's and down's you do when you face turmoil if you chose the path that they think you should be on. I think that you have to go thorough hard times to make yourself stonger and you learn so much on the way there. I know this is easier said then done but don't drive yourself crazy trying to make others happy focus on your own happiness and what it;s going to take you to get there:) Stay strong. This feeling is only temporary just remember that.

you've always seemed to me, to be a spiritual & grounded individual. i love how friendly you are and you seem so helpful to others! This is what makes you seem so great to me. It sounds almost as if you're purging the toxins from your mind & spirit; which is a wonderful thing. it's a cleansing, healing
and helpful thing to do in our lives periodically. Negativity and the ones who dont have our best interests at heart .. NEED to go. i hope everything turns out well for you. i've been experiencing something similar relationship wise. take care!

Shirley,

Let me just echo everyone else and say you are not alone at all! I am going through a similar situation. I graduated from uni almost a year ago. By the time I figured out that I didn't want to have a career in what I was studying, it was too late, and graduation was near. Like you, I'm African and I sometimes feel a lot of pressure, as I'm sure we all do, to be successful. I am currently not in my ideal situation, but I want to assure you that God makes no mistakes. He will always lead you, He will always guide you, and He will always protect you in whatever situation you find yourself in. Know tat you can lean on Him when everyone or thing else fails. This thing we call life is tricky, its unpredictable its scary and at times its seems pretty impossible, but know that its all a part of the journey to fulfilling your God given purpose. Crying is okay, its a release. Sometimes it works, other times not as much, but just know that its okay. I know that soon you will be back to your happy self and you will realize that this was just a season in your life. A necessary step on your journey to greatness to make you stronger and glorify God. Remember this verse, Ecclesiates 3:1,3-4 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance"

Best, Wiliette

Just like you, and every other girl who commented on this honest post, I'm going through the same thing. We're all in this together :)

Coincidentally, the lesson from my church just this past weekend... was "How do we go after our future? FAITH!" And two important factors from that sermon were that faith is all about taking risks and that it's also not on our clock.

Patience is something I have a harrrrrrrd time dealing with. So difficult! But I know it's ultimately about trusting God even when it's not on my timeline.

Not that you needed it, but this was just my just my 2 cents. lol!

Thanks for sharing this special post!

takemetothecity.wordpress.com

Dear Shirley,

First I want to say thank you for being so transparent. I agree with all of the words of encouragement, personal testimonies, and prays left by your readers as you are go through this night season in your life...

Since most of the comments have touched on your issues regarding your major/career. I would like to add the following, please don't compromise your integrity. Meaning "BE YOU", and don't compare or be controlled by a false image of what others think you should be, do, or look like. So many people (all around the world) live there lives trying to please others or dishonoring themselves so they can fit in, and you my dear heart will never be that because you are a women of excellence (which is different then trying to being perfect).

When I first read your post I was concerned because of the level of despair that came across in your words. So I want to suggest that you first pray, give some quit time to listen to your heart, and obey God's voice. It seems like you have the weight of everyone else's expectation of you that you are struggling because your not honoring your own voice. Besides talking to your family maybe find a minister or counselor to talk to sometimes having an objective person/professional to talk to can help bring clarity to a challenging situation. In addition sadness, anxiety, and depression are also natural when facing a crossroads and knowing that your not alone can help you get pass the symptoms so that you can really address the underlined issues.

The last two thoughts I wanted to share is first the answer is on the way, because you are seeking and not willing to subtle for what the status quo has to offer you. Also, it's been said, "to much is given, much is required". Shirley because you're destined for greatness sometime you will go through so that you can see how much fortitude you have within.

Grace & Peace,
-FE

P.S. I want to thank you for taking the time out to blog and vlog; your purity, humility, and virtue are inspiring and refreshing.

You'll be fine shirley...we've all come to that point some time in lives and most of us are still in that situation but the one thing we know for sure is that "ALL THINGS work together for good to them that love the Lord and are the called ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE"...so as God says once more...Do not be anxious for anything but in EVRYTHING with prayer and supplication, MAKE YOUR REQUESTS KNOWN TO GOD"...God cares about all things concerning our lives, from the biggest to the tiniest detail...all you need to do is to trust and Hope in Him for without Hope we are all men but misearable"...Be strong and courageous...God is with you always"

Its so wierd because i've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and issues recently. The best thing i've found is to be positive and focus on the best things in like.

Because as time goes on and things have gotten better its going to be you who is bringing yourself down.
You are not alone x


Hugs and Kisses
Dee x

You are totally not alone, sometimes i feel like that about my life choices but is too scared to try and change incase something goes wrong and i end up with nothing. You have got to listen to yourself and trust that you make the right choices FOR YOU no one else.
God bless
G.Valentine

Girl when I read this I immediately thought wow this girl's story sounds so similar to mine!! You are not alone girl. I swear we going through the same thing, but girl we going to move pass this and we will find happiness! God will make a way!You are not alone!

Shirley my love, I want you to be encouraged and know that you are not alone. We all feel similar to this at some point in our life but God has a plan for you, He is with you through all the pain and sadness and He will lift your head up. Seek him and He will give you joy. I don't know if you're spiritual or not but seeking God will give you so much peace in the midst of the storm you're going through. I've been going through some of the hardest times of my life and God has seen me through, I've experienced his goodness. I'll keep you in my prayers honey!

Hey Shirley,
I am also going through this with my major here in the US. I have a year left and I've being questioning whether this is the path I want to go through. I've wrestled and wrestled with it.

At the end of the day, you really have to do what is right for you. What truly makes YOU happy. School and your job shouldn't be a chore...it should be fun and cultivate your passion.

So don't let anyone steal your happiness and do what you want to do. If you have to go to school again to get a degree in something else, DO IT. you will be happy and feel happy about yourself. Don't place yourself in a box love!

xoxo
Tonyette

Hey Shirley,
I know many people have said it before but I'm going to say it too..I can somewhat understand where you are coming from. No one can fully understand where you are coming from because you are unique and deal with situations uniquely. However, I will say that I too have had expectations placed on me solely based on the parents that I come from. You cannot let that dictate your life. You don’t want to wake up every morning going to a job you hate. It will take a toll on you mentally and physically. You have to think about your quality of life and the gifts that you have to offer the world. No one else has to deal with or live your life every day except for you. Pray for guidance and wisdom James 1:5. Whatever you choose to do, do it with the best of your ability and if it is what you are supposed to do you will be successful. Sending positive energy in your direction..you're in my prayers....God bless....you are not alone and everyone is rooting for you :-)

p.s. breathing exercises may help with the anxiety: breathing in one nostril for 5 secs while plugging the other...hold for 5 secs...then exhale out of the other nostril....

I think the whole part of university is it helps you decide what you want to do with your life, and I suppose it's daft to expect that a decision you make three years ago is going to feel the same when you've finished your degree. :) Breathe in, breathe out. :) You're not alone, and the only person who matters when it comes to your happiness is you.

You are not alone. I have gone through this last year and I ended upi changing my major, my place of residence and leaving my old life behind to be happy. Plus I think you have wonderfull personaity and yes we are all human and need love and support but the is an inner strength that can will get you through this because its what makes your heart beat with happiness.

Hi Shirley! I was so moved by this post! I know EXACTLY what you are facing. I too am an academic and creative. All my life I've been told "to whom much is given, much is expected". Of all my siblings I am the one who everyone EXPECTS to be at a certain level and then when it came to university it didn't work out because of financing so I went through a period of trying to figure out what it is that I really want to do! So last September I enrolled in a business degree programme that is highly competitive but I HATED! I decided to take this semester off and I am currently to figure it out. And I battle with trying to meet the expectations of others while being happy with myself. Because of this, at times I feel like I am 50yrs old instead of 23. But I know I will figure it out and so will you. Please do what makes YOU happy :)

Love,

Aethia

www.alinabarber.blogspot.com

Didnt come across this post till after the update but I so glad to see the update showing that you are slightly ok now. Just try and be positive about it all. Like you said there are transferable skills that you have gained over the years. I to ally understand the Miss Perfect part, especially with African parents, they have these expectations which tends to put pressure on your choices in life. I went to uni and finished last year but it is something I honestly regret with all my heart. Maybe if I studied something else I would have been happier but I felt like I was expected to go to uni instead of me wanting to go. Now I a qualified Journalist sitting in the house with NO job. It sort of makes you think about your life and the direction its going in. I can also relate to the 'doing things that are out of character'. Just remember to always share your problems before they become a burden. A problem shared is a problem halved they say and you are definitely not alone. :)

Didnt come across this post till after the update but I so glad to see the update showing that you are slightly ok now. Just try and be positive about it all. Like you said there are transferable skills that you have gained over the years. I to ally understand the Miss Perfect part, especially with African parents, they have these expectations which tends to put pressure on your choices in life. I went to uni and finished last year but it is something I honestly regret with all my heart. Maybe if I studied something else I would have been happier but I felt like I was expected to go to uni instead of me wanting to go. Now I a qualified Journalist sitting in the house with NO job. It sort of makes you think about your life and the direction its going in. I can also relate to the 'doing things that are out of character'. Just remember to always share your problems before they become a burden. A problem shared is a problem halved they say and you are definitely not alone. :)

I feel exactly the same way. I don't know if this has anything to do with being the first daughter in an African family where a lot is expected from us especially academically. Shirley, you are still quite young and have every right to change paths. I'm sure the people in your life that you think might not be pleased would support your decisions. You just have to try talking to them. Look at everything you have achieved from blogging and youtube, you can't possibly be scared of failure??

P.S- Don't be afraid to cry or vent, it cleanses the soul! :)

Z....xoxo

I've just seen this post and read your update. I think you've made the right decision to finish your degree and at least see it through to the end. So many people go into careers and many years later start all over again. So don't feel forced to make any drastic decisions right this minute. Take each day at a time babes. Things will work out for your best in the end. Just give your best in whatever you do (as you've always done) and the rest will work itself out.
Like so many others have already said, you're not alone.

Keep your head up babes. It'll all work out. x

Hey girl,

I think that it's normal to question yourself. First, the best thing to do is to pray about it and trust God no matter how hard it is and how impossible it seems. I know it's more easy to say than to do cause I've been struggling to trust God about certain things lately but I'm holding on and I'm praying that God gives me more faith in him.
Second, I think that finishing your degree will be a good thing. You may not be sure right now but you still have an interest for this field. Finishing it will be a plus for you even if you decide to do something else afterward.
I'll keep you in my prayers and don't forget to P.U.S.H. = Pray until something happen!
Be bless xxx

Hi shirley, isn't  it strange how there is some unwritten rule where we must decide how the rest of our lives will pan out in our early 20s? Your family seem wonderful and I honestly do believe nobody will ever think less of you if you choose not to follow the path that you (or others) envisioned for you.
It's ok to change your mind, it's ok to change yourself.
Hope these verses help - Romans 12:12  and proverbs 3:5,6 ros xx

Read the book of psalms, david sings and cries and worships God in his pain, so you would feel a lot better, trust me :)

Know that you're not alone and it comes in ebbs and flows ... even when you're older.

Keep praying, God is constant even if life isn't. Know even if it's only with your head not your heart that He can direct you.

I hope Isaiah 41:10 can be of some comfort to you.

Dear Shirley,

Can I just say, I am not surprised. Please don't take that the wrong way, but from the moment you revealed what your area of study I thought, "huh?" I have been subscribed to you, maybe over a year and a half now, and I never said anything because I didn't know your heart, but I must say, your passion for beauty, fashion, and photography shines through every single one of your videos.

As a creative thinker myself, I can understand the pressure and courage it takes to go down a path not as guaranteed as an academic one, but where your heart leads, you must follow.

I pray that you will hear from God, and find comfort in his words, and the plans he has for you. Its hard to break out of a role we have so comfortably been placed in and stayed in our whole lives, but Shirley, once you find that calling, once you feel the peace in your heart to release into action your dreams and deepest passions, that newfound bravery will lead to having courage to rename who people expect and want you to be.

Financial comfort and economic stability is great, we all need it to be in this world, but we are not of this world, and fear is not of God.

I am trusting him to provide and make clear my path once I am out of college, and I hope you will do the same. Your plans are big, but his is even bigger. Trust him and let him. This world is not our final home, so we do not need to obsess over worldly wealth and comfort. We need to live our lives the way God has designed us to, and in the setting he designed our passions and talents to dwell in.

"Our plus are not his plans, our ways are not his ways" Sometimes to find our calling, we have to be taken out of the driver seat and put God, his timing, and his will, in control.

I'm sorry I went on such a rant, this post just really hit home for me. I did not mean to write such wordy long paragraphs, but I had to let that out. Hopefully that wasn't just for me to hear, but that you got something out of it as well.

Anywho! Love ya Shirley and I will keep you in my prayers, promise. :)

with love,
Kim

I know exactly how you feel. Even though I don't question what I want to do with my life, that has been the only comforting thing some nights. I completely relate to being 'miss perfect'. I have always been the smart one, the one nobody ever worries about. The one who can pull through anything and do it looking fabulous with a smile. It sounds like you and I are quite similar-- we both tend to put forth an extremely polished picture to the world. And it's so, so hard to maintain every day. Especially, at least for me, when my friends aren't all that great. I feel so alone in my feelings sometimes, because I am constantly surrounded by people that I just dont... mesh with all the time. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Keep posting, Shirley <3

I love that so many have responded to you regarding this issue. I know you have had lots of feedback but I would like to put in my two cents. This is a situation that you really need people to step in and let you know that you are not alone. All my childhood and adulthood I was expected to be a Journalist. In college I had no other thoughts but working in Television News. Today I am a designer. I realized that what I really wanted to be all along was to be creative. Writing was my way of expressing my creativity coming up but as life changed and I got exposed to other genres I realized fashion and interior design suits my life best- for now. It can be discouraging at times but you already have what tit takes to find your way- tenacity! Be open and trust that whatever turns you take you will end up in the place that you were meant to be. You are young, enjoy the process :)

Wow. Very deep post. You're definitely not alone though...
I hope you eventually come to terms in regards to what is best for you.

Resilience is the strongest trait a person can have, and you've shown you have it in bucket loads. You're a soldier my friend (in the non-military sense) I can tell things are going to work out xx

Shirley you are certainly not alone. I have felt and I'm currently feeling as you do now. Being the oldest child as well is so difficult and coming from a west african background - you are supposed to do this and do that...it does all get a bit too much sometimes - well most of the times and I find that I just curl up into my little ball and let it eat me up.
I am also at a top uni studying a degree that'll open doors for many doors for me yet I don't know what I want to do with my life. I am in second year supposed to be applying for internships but then I step back and ask myself do I really want to do what I'm supposed to do and get into a high flying City job and then that's it. Do I want to teach? What exactly have I got waiting for me when I go back to London when I graduate next year? Who am I exactly??? Sometimes I just feel so lost. I have this deep deep secret sorrows that I just can't share because no one understands sometimes.
So I think I know exactly how you are feeling Shirley - you are an inspiration so keep going - you'll find you and things will fall into place - they will.
I was insipred by yourself to create a blog where I can try and figure out who I am exactly - It's going to be a long process as I only just started in January but I hope that by December I can look back and see that my has progressed from where is now and where it was when I started uni.
You'll be fine Shirley - you'll be fine. x

P.S. Sorry for such a long comment.

I pray God leads and directs you! Amen!

Tell the World

reading this post has made me realize how much i am not ALONE! i am going through the same thing right now and i feel completely lost.

:/

*I hope you get through whatever it is*

I completely understand. I finished a degree I never wanted to do, but never admitted it. Now I m stuck even more, because its expected from me to do that job now, and thats 1000 times worse. Change now while you can, go do what you want, you only live once, confront your parents/people who have expectation, and do what you want with your life, wish I did earlier <3

I will be doing the same now :)

First of all YOU ARE VERY BRAVE to share this with your readers. I understand, you question your choices and feel that sometimes you just go wherever the wind blows. God has a plan, for one you have brought some interest to my life, because I do enjoy reading your blog and watching your youtube videos.

I pray that you find the support you need, and don't be afraid to just come out with it and tell your family and friends that you NEED them.

I am glad that you decided to complete school =)

Gurl! you sound just like me! Its a phase that all us 20 somethings go through... pray on it and follow your heart.

I can speak from very recent experience in saying that you have to take God out of the box. Often times we try so desperatly to get some substance out of our lives and we fail at it. One thing you have to realize(and I'm not preaching to the choir) is that once you let go of the struggle and put it in God's hands, once you let Him take the reigns over your life is when He can truly begin to work and show you where He wants you to be. If it was up to me, I would be doing a lot of different things but God did a 180 on my life. I'm not sure where exactly I'll end up but knowing that He is guiding me brings extreme comfort. Pray for guidance and clarity and just sit, wait, and watch.
-Simone

You are def not alone! i went through this same thing earlier this year. I needed to make myself happy as opposed to every one else. I was pursuing a microbiology degree at my uni when my heart wanted to pursue singing and acting. I was always known as ms. perfect. perfect grades, etc. But i was miserable! I prayed on it continuously for YEARS! then i decided to switch my major, and move to a state where i can pursue what i really want to and be close to the industry of entertainment. I lost two of my best friends because they think that my decision was "stupid" and "wreckless" and a "Recipe for disaster"... BUT i've never been more happier! I left the negativity behind me and I am surrounded by endless support and positivity! People can see how this life changing decision affected me because they ALL say "OMG! I've never seen you so happy before!" It was hard emotionally at first, because it was such a risk, but I wouldn't have it any other way! I'm so blessed to be where I am today with the people in my life! Life is so short.. live it the way YOU want to so you can never wonder "what if".
-Sam <3

Hey Shirley!

I just wanna tell you that you're not alone! I've been through the same thing about a month ago. I just really had a mental breakdown( I started crying and couldn't stop). There were sooo many things going through my mind and i couldn't talk to anyone about it, not even to my best friends. They just didnt understand me and still dont really get what am about. The best advice that I can give you is to do what's best for you, even if you have to hurt or disappoint anyone. That's what I did. I always felt so pressured to do what is expected from me. I always wanted to please the people I love even though it made me really unhappy. At the end of the day you'll be miserable if you're not able to do what makes you happy first of all.
I really hope this helped! I can really relate to you on this one :)

xx S.

Wow Shirley, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I just commented on your youtube video where you briefly touched on your feelings(username dnyknight05). YOu always seem so bright and happy, I'm the same way and I often feel that being any other way will bring other's down. But as you said, we're only human, and it's okay to cry or to let out the stress and pressures we face. I just recently blogged about my desire to find my purpose.I graduate this May, and I honestly have soooo many uncertainties.I have faith that God will direct my path, so I will remain obedient and positive! YOu do the same Shirley. I'd love for you to check out my blog when you can:
http://onlymedany.blogspot.com/
Take care :-)

Its okay shirley ur not alone at all...ihave 2 friends who went through the same thing n it seemes odd until recently i found myself thinking the same thing "am i doing what i reallywant to do?" But look at it this way this only means you are supertalented and can b all and anything u want. Feel better luv

Shirley, I finished my degree 13 years ago so I can definitely tell you from experience that what you're going through is perfectly normal. My advice would be to finish your schooling if you're very close to completion. While doing that, you can actively pursue your passion on the side...in an apprenticeship or internship depending on the field. Once you have your degree, those academic skills you've learned in school and what you've done on the side is transferrable to any creative career. I am now a full time Graphic/Web Designer/Lifestyle Blogger but there is no way that I could have made the transition without the degree. Of course I had to work hard but it was my dedication in developing my skillset in that field and my sincere passion that my first employer believed in, not the course of study on my degree. Hope that helps. You'll be fine!

Hi Shirley! I completely understand..sometimes or feels like the world is resting on your shoulders...I've felt that way about school but God has brought u too far to leave you. Keep your spirits up and always know that you are not alone..feel better, XO :)

Hi Shirley, I never normally comment on videos or blogs however I was so moved by your honesty and vulnerability that I had to say hang in there sometimes just putting your anxiety out there can help. The last 2 years have been very difficult for me and I have used youtube and blogs during that time and you are one of my favourites. I think you have faith which will guide you. You can always use your acedemic degree to help you with your more creative pursuits to be successful and happy. Take Care x

Hi Shirley, you are not alone,I'm right there with you. i have cried a million times hoping my tears somehow will open a well of understanding and purpose in me. i have prayed, and i'm still praying and i believe God is the only one who can understand me and provide me with the best solution. but i'm still human, and i feel alone most of the time.

p.s they name me miss perfect too, i don't take it as an insult i just think people are,
the way they are supposed to be, and there is a rewards for everyone. I live day by day just trying to be the best version of myself, nothing different just myself!. TC HON

Hi Shirley

You are not alone. You are welcomed to my house any time, in Manchester by the way...lol. Thank you for the post. As a guy I must say I feel the same way sometimes but God has healed me and I thank him for that. May God bless you and give you wings like an eagle to fly over your problems.

x

Hi Shirley,
I've never commented before but I just wished to contribute some support to you. I just wanted you to know that you're never alone as everyone's comments have shown you. I always ask for myself How does it get any better than this? No matter what you're going through things can always can better and when things are going well- they always get better than that. I am wishing you much success and happiness down the path of your life you decide to follow. :-)

When you can't trust anyone, you can trust God! Know that HE loves you and He cares... 1 Pet 5:7 tells us "Cast your cares on HIM because He cares for you." I pray this comment reaches you in good spirits! Peace&Blessings

Dom :)

i understand the pressure...my family expects me to be a doctor or an engineer and thats not who I am...stay true to who you are cause at the end of the day its your life and you're the one thats gonna have to live it

Wow! From all these previous comments I hope you feel the love? I'm also glad to hear your feeling better about your situation.

I agree with what many have already stated, finish that degree. Because it’s also true that without you may struggle.

But you’re obviously intelligent, and creative, with talents in drawing up innovative concepts, styling and a strong teaching gift.

Even though your doing Math (which by the way I wish I was good at...2x2=6??)LOL:P you could actually translate this degree anywhere you like!

For example ‘Retail Buyer’ needs excellent Maths skills as budgeting is a major factor. There you have it!! You love to Haul-right? And forecast the catwalk trends (we know You do it so well too??xx) Plus in pays like “mega bucks grrrl” you may find your self doing a ‘Louboutin Haul’ (imagine!!!).

Glad you shared your feelings,
Celina.

you are not alone..thanku for sharing. some of these experiences teach us to be strong and press on when we dont feel like. am certain that this first step in persuing a degree will help you in opening up many more doors ahead of you. you will have many opportunities to dable in you creative nature and enjoy your life ahead. be encouraged and know that you r not alone we r also in there pressing on =)

Shirley,
You have no idea how this post talk to me. I am finishing up my graduate degree in 2 months, and have been struggling to find myself. I cannot find a job, and I have tried to be courageous... until I broke down, and cried more tears than I know I had. You have to BELIEVE that the Lord has a plan for ya. He loves you, in spite of all your flaws. Trust him, believe that HE will always be there. I am reading a book, called "Write it down, make it happen". It is helping me a great deal. Be strong.

Hi Shirley! Trust you are not alone!!!!! I am in the same situation as you. Everyone expects me to be this successful person doing what I am going to school for now. I am getting my doctoral degree in research methods. I love research. I am now truly realizing what I want to do despite what others expect of me. I can no longer live half of what I want and all of what others think me.

One of my passions is fashion as I am sure that's one of yours too. You have inspired me to continue to pursue careers in fashion. I am now a certified fashion/personal stylist and I am now awaiting to be accepted into a Fashion Buyer training program. Yes, I will complete my doctoral degree because I recently became a PhD Candidate so that means that I only have to complete my last two chapters of my dissertation and defend it.

I just want you to know that I am sending love and light to you and you will stay in my prayers. We can do this! Discover what it is that you want and do it. Live the life that Shirley loves!!!!

You're SO not alone! To be honest... you're right on target! One thing about being out of "the house" and getting that expected education is you also morph into the person you were meant to be! A lot of times though, that person isn't exactly always what everyone ELSE wanted... or even what YOU wanted for yourself!

Just trust in yourself and always stat true to yourself. Accept that feeling may get hurt and tempers may flare... but in the end YOU must do what makes YOU happy in life!

It'll all make sense soon enough. Just continue to pray and being the fabulous person you are!

Sincerely...

A Former Miss Perfect

i completely relate to this, i go back and forth, im also graduating in a few weeks and i went thru a few periods of doubt, and self reflection, trying to find out if i should pursue more creative careers, ones that my parents believe are not "serious" or not "real jobs". ive come to the conclusion that i have enough passion to pursue my degree related industry for a few years and then once i have my life financially set up to begin exploring other things. i wish you joy and happiness in you life shirley!

Hello shirley-my luv
I'm glad ur feeling better and ur continuing on ur path. Defidantly, spk to someone regarding how u feel just to stay healthy mentally. I also want to tell u I am starting over in my 30s back in school getting my masters in a completely diffrent career. I'm frightened, unsure of my self at times and want to excell very badly. All I can say is as human being we have many seasons and we change. Stay stead fast in whatever U do, work hard and be honest to ur self bc u have only one life to live and u want to live it too the fullest. U will be fine the almighty provides for us all the days of our lives.u will be successful regardless of what happens profesionally to u.

i got my degree two years ago and haven't found a job. im deeply unhappy because i know what i want to do, how to do it, just not how to get there, my mother ruined my self confidence and after a couple failures i have given up all hope. do what you want, when you want, because you dont wanna be stuck like me.

YOU are not alone Shirls! :)
I battle this on a continuing basis. I know exactky what you are going through--the pressure, the uncertainity. It's very taxing on the spirit but give it time, meditation, and it will come. Just know that if you follow your gut and stick with it, there is no obstacle that can hinder you from conquering your dreams.

dear shirley, u are not alone hey. My uncle forced me to do the degree that i didnt want to do and its been killing me!!! i used to be passionate about school and i was very very smart but ever since i started doing this degree ive lost my desire for knowledge. i now just go to school not to get A's but just to pass enough so the uni wont kick me out.When i saw ur post today i was so inspired coz i really felt like giving up. At least um not the only one out there who feels this way hey. Thank u for being such an honest and great blogger!!!

Although this post is already a month old, I have to leave a comment, because this post is so true. From time to time I totally feal the same. Just like you I studied mathematics and finished two years ago with a degree in Germany that is comparable to a M.A. Just before finishing, I also thought if that's the right thing for me. Now - two years later - I'm a teacher. My students really show me that this is the right job for me. I'm really glad that I finished university and am now able to do a job that is exhausting but fulfilling at the same time. Although I feel - just like you - I can and will do more. I have so many plans and ideas I want to realize. Your decision to finish is absolutely right. With a finished degree as base you can do everything you can imagine - there are much more open doors than without. For example I'm going to make my Ph.D.. I had never thougt that one day I could do this. For now there are only male family members with a Ph.D. - this has to be changed ;)

In case you are still reading comments, I also did my degree in math and now work as an international tax specialist. I got my math degree 10 years ago! I am now finishing a Masters degree in Taxation (10 years later). Finish your degree and everything else will work out! There is so much you can do in the world to make money, but having that degree (especially in math) will open so very many career paths for you.

Keep your head up!

I related soo much to this. Going through the same thing myself. But by God's grace we will pull through. Love you for this! Keep ya head up girl! xoxo